I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
