sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize