how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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