I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
