im so drunk with asians
where?
always
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The Olympian is in my bed
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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