we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
