How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
