when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize