I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
