Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
