so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize