Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i now understand why vodka
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
