Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
