So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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