I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
