turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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