omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize