My brain says no but my pants say off.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
