I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
