I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
