So drunk its hurt
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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