remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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