Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
