ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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