just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
