"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
