okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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