Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
