last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
