We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Green mimosas i think yes
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I am one with the molecules
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize