My hand turned me down
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
