It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
