You can't special order awesome
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
