that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Randomize
