it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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