They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
