me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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