He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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