sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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