Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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