Cold hands, warm shart.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
