The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
