Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
