I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
