Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
