you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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