Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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