I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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