At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
