I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So many bounce houses so little time
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
