Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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