ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
