the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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