he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
