I smell stomach acid.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
