I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
