You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
