Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
