do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
