three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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