Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
