i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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