I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize