i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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