The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
