haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize