Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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