pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
