Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
zippers are such a cool invention
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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