This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
