Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
