Dude my mom stole all your condoms
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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