im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
