So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
