you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize