just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
