Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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