Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
