We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize