And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
