He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
