But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I forget how to act sober
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
