my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
