I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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