The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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