just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
