The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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