hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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