i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
