This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
