DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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