Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
