just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
