you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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