Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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