dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
