Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
