wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
