I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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