nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
