How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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