this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
