I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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