Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I love you. Go after that dick
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
