then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
nutella sex= disaster
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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