hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
