i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
