I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
