Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
