So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
