mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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