Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
