I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
do nipples grow back?
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