My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
