So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
